Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
