I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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