alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
