if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
