where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The uberlube is also flammable
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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