She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
