did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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