If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So vagazzling was a success
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
