It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize