The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
