I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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