Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
