Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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