And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize