absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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