Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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