the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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