he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
