a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
