when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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