these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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