Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
