wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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