I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
