yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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