like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
