You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
