Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
