On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
