Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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