Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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