just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
