I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
