in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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