about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
