Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So vagazzling was a success
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
