Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize