I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
