fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
