dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
