no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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