I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
