i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
