I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
