Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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