gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
