The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize