So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
