Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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