Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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