You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
