I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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