literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
worst night to have a conscience
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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