This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
