i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
