Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
