did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
