Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
