i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
