Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
