take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
