I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
