SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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