I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
