I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
