you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
