sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
