Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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