i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
