shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
